What if everything you were taught about success is wrong — at least for you?
Many people chase promotions, money, and status without ever stopping to ask:
And that question changes everything.
Let’s be honest:
The success metrics we’re handed don’t work for everyone. Many of us are given the same script. We are ‘told’ we need to climb the corporate ladder, earn more money, gain status, acquire a large home, drive a nice car, and take exotic holidays.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with any of this. But too often, people pursue these milestones simply because they feel like “that’s what you do.” It is rare to pause and question whether they actually want them.
For some, this can create a quiet sense of dissatisfaction – even emptiness. Do you relate?
When was the last time you paused to define what you really want – the kind of success that brings a genuine sense of fulfilment? If you reach your next goal, how long will that satisfaction last before you start chasing the next one?
For those mid-career or nearing the top of their field, an important question emerges: What then? After achieving that goal what comes next?
And perhaps the most important questions of all: What kind of life do you want to look back on? What legacy do you want to leave? Will you feel fulfilled by job titles and material achievements alone? Might you wish you had invested your time and energy elsewhere?
Here’s the thing: many people never give themselves permission to ask these questions. it’s much easier to do what we think others think success is like. It might be messages we from our family, a school teacher or from society at large. Sometimes we also internalise these messages. We may not we don’t even realise we are following someone else’s version of a successful life .
When you ask yourself, “What do I really want?” – what comes up?
Is it the next promotion? Or is it work that energises rather than drains you?
Case Study 1: Becoming a Mentor
I worked with a senior leader who spent years chasing the next promotion. He eventually realised he didn’t care about the level. He cared about helping people grow. He shifted into an internal coaching and mentoring role. He now has the impact and fulfilment he desires. On paper, it looked like a step down. In reality, it was a step into alignment.
You might notice some internal contradictions:
- Yes, but I need the money.
- Yes, but I have a mortgage.
- Yes, but this role keeps me away from my family.
You may tell yourself that your family needs you to earn a certain income to maintain a particular lifestyle. What if they would benefit even more with you being fulfilled, present, and energised? That, too, is a form of success – perhaps a more meaningful one.
Let’s be clear: there is nothing wrong with a conventional lifestyle.
The only real question is this:
Is it Your Choice or Someone Else’s?
Is it Your Choice or Someone Else’s?
Is it Your Choice or Someone Else’s?
Case Study 2: The CEO
I’ve been working with a CEO of a global organisation which she had built up over the previous 10 years. But it was costing her health, and she was not happy being absent from young family. Eventually she decide to resign and take a sabbatical.
She redesigned success for herself. She came back as a Board member and is now developing another project working locally. She didn’t step away from ambition – she reshaped it.
To be clear, there’s no right or wrong answer to this.
What matters is you do what feels true to you, and is aligned with who you are you and who you want to be.
And that takes courage.
Others may have strong opinions about what your life should look like . Your boss might have plans for your career. Yor parent may who wants to be proud of you in a specific way. Your partner may envision a particular future. Choosing differently can feel uncomfortable.
But the real challenge is this: Do you have the courage to define success for yourself – even when it disappoints or confuses others?
Personal note
I had some serious health issues last year and it gave me pause to think about how I want to work going forward. My focus is now primarily supporting senior leaders (previously I worked across a wider range
of clients). My work has more impact and I find it deeply nourishing. I’m also investing in further advanced level training – not because I lack anything but because I love this journey and my clients will also benefit! I offer my own experience as another example of choosing and aligning with what matters the
most.
Awareness is the first step
When you recognise that inherited success metrics may not serve you, you create space for something more authentic.
As you reflect, you may find yourself recalling moments – big or small – when you felt truly fulfilled. These moments often hold important clues.
Ask yourself:
- What was I doing?
- Who was I being?
- What values was I honouring?
Getting clear on your personal values can be grounding. Your values can become an internal compass so that you can make decisions with confidence rather than by comparison.
Intentions matter, too. Instead of focusing only on what you want to achieve, ask:
- How do I want to feel?
- Who do I want to be?
Imagine having what you think you want. Does it actually give you what you’re seeking – or does it just look good on paper?
This reflection can help you distinguish between what you genuinely want and what you’ve been conditioned to want.
Defining your own version of success isn’t about rejecting ambition or tradition. It’s about being intentional. It’s about asking better questions. It’s about choosing fulfilment over validation.
Defining Your Own Success
When you define success on your own terms, you stop chasing someone else’s dream for you. You start building your own.
You make decisions based on what matters to you, not what impresses others. You find meaning in the process, not just the outcome.
This is not a destination. Enjoy the journey!
So I’ll ask again:
“What does success mean to you?”
And more importantly: Is it truly yours?
If you’d like to explore what defining you success would mean for you, please get in contact. I’d love to connect with you.
